Wednesday, August 16th 2017

Weekend Update/Monologue

  • A new streaming service called MoviePass allows you to watch a movie a day for $10 a month. Or just watch as many movies as you want, when ever you want, for free.


  • The newest episode of Game of Thrones was accidentally released early. I guess Three-Eyed-Raven didn’t foresee the world surviving to Sunday and wanted to get one last episode in before the nuclear war.


  • On a phone call with Guam’s governor, Trump made light of North Korea’s threats, saying tourism was “going to go up tenfold and make him very famous.” You know, how people famously wanna die by nuclear bomb.


  • The Wall Street Journal reported analysts are working out what would happen to the financial markets in the event of nuclear war. I’m no analyst but they may go down a bit.


  • On August 21st there will be a total solar eclipse of the heart.


  • The week’s rash of resignations from Trump’s manufacturing panel continued with Campbell Soup CEO. Mmm Mmm Good for him.


  • A doctor waiting to be induced delivered a woman’s baby when her OBGYN couldn’t get there in time. But sure, Google Diversity Memo writer, women can’t handle stress.